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I Wrote to the “Other Woman” and Posted It on Facebook – Part Two

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Categories: Divorce

I Shared A Letter I Sent to The Other Woman on Facebook

In part 1, of this blog, I addressed the decision a woman made to write a letter to the Other Woman, her husband’s concubine.  As if sending the letter was not bad enough, the writer chose to post her rant in the modern museum called Facebook.  Despite privacy settings, the letter is now part of Americana, etched in digital “stone” somewhere, bound to surface at a time when the writer does not want to meet it again.  The letter may make its way into the hands of her husband’s lawyer and even the judge who tries her divorce case.  Hopefully, between the time she posted her letter and the moment it rears its ugly head again, she will be able to cure world hunger because she is going to need some positive attributes to negate her venomous words.

Oversharing on Social Media

The writer/poster of the letter, for all to see, is not an unusual actor.  There seems to be a plethora of oversharing of just about everything on social media these days.  Nothing lends itself to discretion any longer.  Subjects that used to be kept private that range from abortion, erectile dysfunction, infidelity, suicide, depression, drug addiction, alcoholism, overspending, binge eating, and a myriad of illnesses seem to be free fodder.

Once people held these occurrences with an iron grip so that no one knew their plight.  Now people share the intimate details of their lives with anyone who is in a stone’s throw of social media.  We see this oversharing in other forms of media such as reality television.  I applaud that we have progressed to a place where we have peeled back the stigma attached to many of these issues.  However, discretion is the better part of valor which should apply more than it does.  That is the case with the scorned wife posting her letter to the other woman on Facebook.

Infidelity is an awful thing to experience.  Being replaced, by another woman, is a betrayal of the marriage vows. While we may not like to admit it, cheating spouses are nothing novel.  Many women (and men) are left by their beloved but they choose to keep their wounds away from the public eye.  Although they may loathe the actions of the invasions of an outsider into their world, they recognize that no one can take a spouse away unless they want to be taken.  Would it not be much better to walk away with one’s head up high?

The “Angry Mob”

I say shame on the posse of women who gave the writer a thumbs-up on the letter and cheered her on as she walked her subject, the other woman, to the verbal guillotine.  The writer’s commentary would have been more appropriate in an intimate setting such as a coffee shop where she could vent among some of her friends.  The posted letter was nothing more than using a public forum to sully the “other woman’s” reputation and toss the cheating husband into the fire for good measure.

And while the responders felt as though they were wrapping their cyber arms around their wounded friend, they don’t know the whole story.  More than likely, the other woman is not a Facebook friend of the letter writer which takes away her ability to refute any allegations made against her.  Again, cheating is cheating.  However, the other accusations and character attacks the writer made against the other woman were cruel.  In a court of law, both sides get their turn to tell their side of the story.  In this arena, there was only one side because the other woman’s side was muted.

As bad as the writer wanted to make her competition appear, she may have only done so for the moment.  Besides her circle of friends, there are other people who will see the letter, maybe even her children.  The shared post is anything but intimate.  Social media is just that — “media” and “www”. means worldwide web.  Once anything is posted it is “out there” and it cannot be undone or unseen.  While the poster may have achieved comfort, in the moment, by posting her raging anger towards the people who disrupted her life, maybe it would be better for her to gain solace know that her husband and his new love’s relationship is rooted in dishonesty and deception.

There is one thing the other woman will know for certain about her new man and that he is a cheater and you know what they say – “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”  Let her be the one to always wonder if he has another concubine on the side. She needs no pre-emptive heads-up from her lover’s wife.

Think Before You Post Anything to Social Media

Regardless of why you share something on social media, it can and most likely will be used as evidence by your ex-spouse’s legal counsel.  For more on Evidence and Social Media during divorce, check out my Guidebook: Courts, Evidence & Social Media.

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Susan Shofer

As a divorce and custody ally, she helps women and men navigate the troubled waters of a family breakup by sharing her own organized and pragmatic approach to the divorce process.

Susan successfully crossed her own highly contentious divorce and post-divorce battle and was triumphant in her fight against Parental Alienation.
Susan Shofer
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