Why Divorce Does Not Have to be Feared
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” – Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
Fear is a Common Emotion During Divorce
One common emotion experienced by people pending divorce is fear. It’s so prevalent that it stalls people from making good decisions, paralyzing them from going forward, staying in abusive marriages, losing assets, and confusing their children. All of my clients have expressed levels of fear in relation to their divorce and several actually used the word terrified to explain how they felt. These are not weak people by any stretch of the imagination. They are very accomplished people such as business executives, physicians, politicians, police officers, military officials, and even therapists. So why does divorce bring most strong-willed and intelligent people to their knees practically immobile with fear without a clue what to do? Divorce is a HUGE life change for people who often view the end game as bleak. The fear is not divorce, per se, rather the fear of the unknown.
The level of fear varies from person to person. Emily told me she met her husband during her first year of college and was married six years after graduation. They were married 31 years at the time he left her for his 27-year-old assistant. Emily said one day she had the life she could only dream of and the next day her life was her worst nightmare. Emily told me that she was petrified to be on her own and saw now resolve. She left her job as an accountant the year after her first child was born and that was 25 years ago. Emily felt unprepared to enter the workforce as being out of it for a quarter of a century. She said her future looked to her like a black hole with a grey fog around it.
Divorce is a Loss That Comes with Grief
Stories like Emily’s are common. Never would I minimize or dismiss the pain she felt of the loss of her life as she knew it or the distress associated with the unilateral decision her life husband made to leave her when 31 years earlier he promised to love her until death did they part. Her feelings were heightened and talking with her often brought out a flood of tears. Divorce is a loss and with loss comes grief. Time softens the intensity of grief and I knew that Emily needed time to grieve. Although she was sorrowful, Emily could still move on with her life on a positive trajectory and not one based in fear.
Emily is smart, articulate, and had a wonderful sense of humor – attributes that are essential to weather a divorce storm. Two wonderful daughters nearby and a bevel of great friends, Emily’s support system is impressive. Working with Emily turned out to be very empowering for her. She learned a great deal about herself including what it was she feared about being alone. Emily told me that even though she was cocooned by a marriage her entire adult life, she believed her fear of being alone held her back from achieving goals of travel or joining groups without her husband. Divorce coaching took Emily out of her fear-based mentality about divorce into one of looking forward to what was next. We addressed finances, her living situation, employment and she became excited about her future. Soon Emily’s fear dissolved and was replaced with an eagerness to expand her horizons.
As Emily’s story is not unique – long term marriage, husband chooses a younger woman, leaving his wife alone and fearful, Emily’s exuberance after using a divorce coach is equally not unique. The power of a divorce coach, in a short period of time, is astounding. As a Certified Divorce Coach, I am always elated by my client’s amazing capacity to know who they are and what they want. I am their support and always feel honored to be on the journey with them.
It’s no surprise that Emily is living a great life post-divorce. Her friends and family members are impressed and have made comments that Emily is a new person. Emily is still Emily; the same resilient, strong, intelligent, and amazing woman she has always been. What Emily learned is that there is another side of divorce and it is not a black hole with a black fog. She said her future is one that is something she never imagined, and she is looking forward to each and every day; one she attributes to the use of a divorce coach. Emily walked her ideal path with confidence to enjoy her life again – forever.
A Certified Divorce Coach Helps You Work Through Your Fear
Having someone guide you through the process and answer the questions that come up is invaluable. Not only will your stress level be reduced, but you will save yourself a huge amount of time and wasted expense in the process. I developed the Divorce Recovery Ladder Program to help you walk the path to your best life.