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Young couple dating again after divorce

When Is it Okay to Date Again?

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Do You Think It Is Okay to Date Again After Six Months?

I have been separated for six months and have met a really nice man that I would like to date.  Is it okay?

Thanks,
Robin


Hi Robin,

I am going to give you my stock answer, one that I never waver from and one that you probably don’t want to hear.  My answer is NO.

The LAST thing you need to do is date during your divorce.  Dating creates more problems than it is worth – especially if you are going through a contentious divorce.  First of all, you are probably not emotionally ready to date yet.  I remember when I began dating again, I can’t count how many times a first (and last) date was spent listening to some guy go on and on about the horrors of his marriage and how terrible his wife was.

Dating while separated is just a bad bet all around.  If you are going through a contentious divorce, I promise you that your soon-to-be ex-husband will use any dating you do as a weapon against you.  An innocent dinner date  will morph into Fifty Shades of Grey.  I met a woman who had one dinner date with a man, but her husband was able to distort the date into a sexual orgy – so bad that she lost her children in the custody batter.  The last thing you need to do is defend your integrity to a judge, especially if your ex is able to paint an unsavory picture of you.  Remember, in a contentious divorce, your ex will pull no punches.

Going through a divorce is a very dramatic time in a person’s life.  Why add any more if you don’t have to.   I have spoken to some many women who have literally jumped from the frying pan into the fire.  It is a rare occasion to enter a long lasting healthy relationship while you are going through a divorce.

My divorce lawyer gave me some sage advice and that was, “No dating until the ink dries on your divorce decree.”  I wholeheartedly agree with this wisdom.  Once you are divorced you can date with absolute freedom.  Personally, I think the time to begin dating is when you know that any man you go out with comes to you with a clean slate meaning if a relationship should develop from the date, he will not pay for the ills of your ex husband.   Take your time to focus on yourself while you are separated.  There will be plenty of time to date once you are divorced.
Susan Shofer Divorce Consultant

Dating Is the Last Thing to Do During a Divorce

Be patient, rushing into dating while still going through a divorce can lead to many complications. To guide you through the process, check out The Divorce Recovery Ladder.

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Susan Shofer

As a divorce and custody ally, she helps women and men navigate the troubled waters of a family breakup by sharing her own organized and pragmatic approach to the divorce process.

Susan successfully crossed her own highly contentious divorce and post-divorce battle and was triumphant in her fight against Parental Alienation.
Susan Shofer
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