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Why Does the Judge Think My Ex is So Calm and Cool?

Categories: Your Day in Court

I Know He’s the Total Opposite

This is a great question.  In fact, its so great that I can see everyone, who is reading this article, nod their heads.  Okay, I can’t actually see you nod your heads, but I know that there are enough people out there who have experienced the same thing.  We all know how this story plays out.  Your soon to be ex sends you ranting emails, nasty texts and calls you every bad name you can think of, even in front of the children.  Yet, he walks into the court room calm, collected and very charming.

What it is that we can do about Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?  How can we tell the judge who this person really is?  How can the judge believe that this man is a good guy when just the night before, sent you a text where he said he was going to take the children from you?  In what way can we reveal, in court, the way he stood on your front lawn and threatened you to come out of the house because he was going to blow it up with you and the kids in it?!?!  That’s a good question because you want the judge to know that this saccharin sweet guy who stands before the bench is not even close to as nice as he appears.

You Are Not Alone in This Experience

First, let me tell you that you are not the only one who has experienced the case of a man with the coat of many colors.  Judges are certainly not inexperienced in knowing the ways of the perfect guy who stands in front of them being anything but that.  Remember that judges hear cases day in and day out, so Mr. Jekyll-Hyde is definitely someone that the judge encounters with frequency.

How You Behave in Court Helps Significantly

Many years ago, a judge told me that when she tries a case, she is half ears and half eyes.  She went on to say that half of her final ruling is predicated on what the litigants say before her and the other half is by how they behave.  So that circles me around to what can you do to uncover the layers of this imposter so that you can adequately represent yourself.  Your goal is to show yourself as calmly and rationally as possible and not worry about how he behaves.  Treat your case as though he is not even standing there.  I know this is a tough order to follow, but if you lose your grip, his becomes even more firm.

When you are in court you what to show yourself in a positive light.  Keep a calm composure, answer only the questions you are asked and don’t offer unsolicited information.  If your husband is spewing negative things about you, don’t react.  Take a few breaths and wait your turn.  You will “get your day in court” so to speak.

Be Prepared for Your Court Appearance

Make sure you are prepared with your evidence.  If your husband has threatened you with nasty emails and/or texts, make sure you have copies to bring with you to court.  If you ever had a protection order or if you called the police for any threats made to you by your husband, bring those reports for the judge to read.  With each valid piece of evidence that you bring with you, the layers of Mr. Nice Guy will be peeled back.  My experience as a career private investigator with many years of court testifying experience, I can tell you that evidence speaks the talk.  Judge want to see the facts.  If you have your facts and present them in a positive calm manner, it does not matter how charming your husband appears to the judge.  The judge will be able to access the situation based on your evidence and your behavior.  Remember judges see people who victimize people and appear as sweet as a church mouse in court.  It’s your job to show the judge that your husband is just another mouse.

You Cannot Control How Your Ex Presents Themselves in Court

Keeping a calm demeanor and being prepared will help immensely.  I cover much more about courts and evidence in my Guidebook: Courts, Evidence & Social Media.

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Susan Shofer

As a divorce and custody ally, she helps women and men navigate the troubled waters of a family breakup by sharing her own organized and pragmatic approach to the divorce process.

Susan successfully crossed her own highly contentious divorce and post-divorce battle and was triumphant in her fight against Parental Alienation.
Susan Shofer
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