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Dating Again – My Ex Husband Gave Me an STD

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How Do I Ever Date Again?

Dear Susan:

This may not be a divorce question, but I was married for ten years.  My ex-husband gave me an STD, which is why he is my ex-husband.  He cheated on me with so many women which he kept hidden so well that I did not find out until I got herpes.

The question I have is how do I ever date again?  I am diseased and feel like no one will want me.


Hi Jill,

This is really not a divorce question, as began your letter.  I am very sorry that your ex-husband gave you herpes.  I am also sorry that he betrayed you by cheating on you.  You really did get a double whammy.  I am also proud of you that you left the marriage.  He obviously had no respect for your or your marriage by the myriad of bed buddies that he had, while married to you.

So now you have to deal with herpes.  I am sure you have talked with your doctor about herpes, how you can recognize when you have an outbreak and how to protect a future partner.

The question you are asking me is how do you date again.  I am not a dating expert by any means.  However, I can tell you that honesty is always the best policy.  I don’t think you have to blurt out that you have herpes on a first date.  That said, I do believe you have to tell someone after several dates.  They need to make the decision whether or not they want to go forward with the relationship.  Some men will, and others may not.  But that is not just about having herpes.  It can be about anything that could be a deal break for someone.  When I began to date after my divorce, there were men who did not want to date a woman who still had children at home.  My first response was Good Riddance.

You are not diseased.  You have something that can always be worked around.  What if you had diabetes or a heart condition?  Would that be a deal breaker?  Maybe for some men.  I say to that – So be it.  Again, good riddance to them.  Do you see where I am going here?  You can’t be everything to all people.  The right man will understand what happened to you, have empathy for you and love you no matter what?

Susan Shofer Divorce Consultant


Dating After Divorce Can Be Challenging.

Honesty is the best policy when developing any new romantic relationship.  I cover more about dating in The Divorce Recovery Ladder.

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