Should You Take Your Child to Divorce Court?
Why Taking Your Child into the Courtroom is a Bad Idea
After years of sitting in courtrooms, I have yet to become desensitized at what length an alienator will go to in order to destroy the relationship between their child and the targeted parent. One of the worst things I think a parent can do to their child is to have the child testify “against” their other parent in a court of law. It causes the child to make the worst public decision of their life and that is to hate their other parent.
Going to Court is Anxiety Provoking for Adults
As a private investigator for over two decades, I have spent hundreds of hours in the courtroom. Observing frantic litigants is nothing new to me. I have witnessed adults become physically ill before they walk into a courtroom. Nerves can be rattled so badly that people drop papers, binders, pens and even glasses of water during their trials. I have seen people faint or grab their chest due to the anxiety that standing before a judge can evoke. By no means do I want to create a case of courtroom stage fright for you. I know that you will do a stellar job the day you go to court for your divorce. Even if you are fairly confident in your ability to present your case, you may feel a tinge of “nerves” on that day. After all, this is the place where your future will be decided. As an adult, you can rationalize where you will be and the impact of your words and actions as you stand before the person who will seal your fate.
How Does a Court Appearance Affect a Child?
Bringing a child into a courtroom is placing them into a firestorm. Children don’t have the emotional and mental capacity to comprehend the nature of their testimony and the long-term effects it will have for the rest of their lives. The alienator often “coaches” the child to tell stories to a judge, about the targeted parent, that are completely fabricated; stories that the child recites with absolute zero actual recollection that they occurred. Alienators are masterful at creating tales that the child will tell with razor sharp precision about events that never happened. At the hands of the alienator, the child’s performance will achieve the goal of creating a wedge between the child and the targeted parent — all unwillingly by the child. The child is only a puppet; a puppet whose future will be determined by the words they say.
So, what happens when the child speaks with such accuracy to the ills of the targeted parent? As they deify the alienating parent, the targeted parent is demonized. The child’s crafted story may be taken seriously by the judge. Would a judge dismiss the words of an innocent child who claims that they have a wonderful parent who cares about them to the point of their own personal sacrifice while the other parent is painted as negligent and cruel? With a well-executed script, the child may be so believable that the judge can find no doubt to the validity of the child’s words. Hence, the verdict is often the placement of the child into the hands of the alienator; a person who is then given Carte Blanche, just by winning the child, to continue their venomous campaign to further drive the wedge between the child and the targeted parent.
Long-Term Effects for The Child
The child is the innocent player in this nasty screenplay. Unbeknownst to them, they push away the parent who loves them deeply and agonizes every minute of every day for the loss of their precious child. The child is praised by the alienator for their command performance and life moves on. The child’s new life becomes their truth but, deep inside their soul they know the truth of their actions. In actuality, the gleaming victorious parent has created severe emotional wounds for the child; wounds that the child will carry for the rest of their lives.
We need to ask ourselves why it is appropriate for a child to be in a courtroom which is a daunting stage for most adults. I have had many people tell me that children should have their voice heard. I understand that and agree that children should be heard. This is not at all what happens when an alienator sashays a child before a judge to decimate the character of the targeted parent. In this instance, the child is being used as a weapon to harm the targeted parent. It is the child’s words that have the power to determine the final verdict of what happens to them. Ultimately the child does not have their voice heard. Their voice is that of the alienator who uses their child to do their dirty work while the puppeteer wipes their hands clean of the crime. The child, whose limited life experience and maturity is not enough to decide their fate. Yet their words will be etched in stone recorded in perpetuity as the day they destroyed their relationship with their other parent.
Bringing a child to court has many negative effects that can last a lifetime.
For more help about an upcoming court appearance, I am available for telephone coaching sessions. If you are dealing with Parental Alienation, there are ways to circumvent, diffuse, defy, and even eradicate it. As someone who fought and was able to successfully diffuse Parental Alienation, I know what it’s like. I also have an online course, Pass on PA (Parental Alienation), and a short guidebook No One Wins to help you understand alienation, how it impacts your family and your child, how to find the right attorney to help you fight it, and how the court system can help if you approach it the right way.